Tuesday, July 17, 2012

She`s sick

As I was walking into the room, I saw a patient with a lot of tubes connected to her body and mouth. And there stood all the movie-likes machine next to her, with all the red and blue lines on it. I stoned for a second when I saw her, it was like the whole world stop for that one minute not knowing what is happening. I am not sure I was scared of not knowing what to do, or just couldnt believe the fact that one can be so sick.

Even when I stood right beside her, I was very doubtful, thinking that I might have gone into the wrong room. I went out and double check with the nurse, hoping that it was just me that got it wrong or simply seeing things.

Apparently I was not dreaming nor seeing things, the patient that I stood beside was my cousin sister. She is very sick right now, her eyes was very unfocused even when I entered the room for the second time. I am not sure she is aware of my presence or not, I tried calling her name, hoping that she could answer me or perhaps a nod, but there aint any respond. I tried holding her hand, giving any form of support to her but she was all covered with blanket and she looked really sick. I left after placing the "Get Well Soon" card on the table.

It was very stupid of me for not unfolding the blanket and held her hand, telling her that I am here for her. I am not sure what was in my mind at that moment, perhaps I thought her arm would break if I touch her because she looked very ill and fragile, it was like any touch and she would shattered into pieces. I`m sorry.

I stayed at the visitor lounge with my auntie, and her family. As my auntie was talking about her daughter, tears were clouding her eyes. She tried to wipe it off, but there were more flowing out. It must be an unbearable pain for her to witness her own daughter lying on the bed with all the tubes connected to her, when she could do nothing to help at all.

Who is to blame for today`s pain, the husband, the parents, or herself ? Doctor told her family that even though she has continuously taking her medication, situation like this would break out too, its not her to blame for it. Some put the blame on the husband for not taking care of her, but how much do you know about what have happened between them, that brings to today`s pain. At the end of the day, it is still her choice to decide. And as for her parents, I am sure that they wish they would have done more so that she could be healthy again.

I am not sure what else can be said or done to make it better, but it does make me understand that even each penny you have couldnt buy you the health you desire for, by witnessing it with my own eyes.

P.S. Get Well Soon, we`ll stand by you.
Choices are made
Things have happened
And consequences have to be paid